Since BOAT CRIME is a sovereign nation and all of you are visitors to this strange watery realm, we thought it best to inform you of the laws of the land/water. Here are some BOAT CRIMES for which you could be arrested. If found guilty by a boatload of your peers, the punishment for all of the following offenses is boat execution.

  • Impersonating a Boat
  • Murder in the Boat Degree
  • Boatnapping
  • Napping in a Boat
  • Grand Boat Auto
  • Reckless Floating
  • Manslaughter with a Boat
  • Boatslaughter
  • Manboat
  • Boat Trafficking
  • Jayswimming
  • Using Counterfeit Money to Pay a Hooker to Commit Perjury … on a Boat.
  • Phishing
  • Schooner Molestation
  • Fishing

That’s the list. Everything else you can think of is perfectly legal.

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